The Discovery Manifesto
In prior articles in this series, we explored two hidden forces that quietly derail discovery. In The Blind Spot, we saw how these conversations often run on autopilot: shaped more by habit than by design. Then in The Illusion of Transparency, we uncovered a deeper challenge—believing our intentions and empathy are coming through, when they may not be landing at all.
Even when advisors are prepared, sincere, and intentional, there’s often a disconnect between what they think they’re communicating and what prospects actually hear. You believe you’re being clear. Empathetic. Engaging. But what if the prospect isn’t experiencing it that way? What if your efforts to create connection are actually crowding it out?
That brings us to a deeper question—one that strikes at the heart of discovery itself:
Why do good advisors, smart, experienced, well-intentioned advisors, still talk more than they should?
It’s not arrogance.
It’s not carelessness.
And it’s not a lack of self-awareness.
It’s a habit. A neurological one.
One that’s been reinforced over years of client meetings, prospect calls, and presentations.
You’ve likely seen it, or felt it yourself. The pressure to fill silence. The urge to prove your value. The instinct to explain just a little more.
And before you know it, you’re doing most of the talking, maybe even two-thirds of it.
Advisors don’t talk too much because they’re unaware. They talk too much because it’s a deeply ingrained loop. A reflex. And it follows a predictable pattern hardwired into the brain.
The human brain is built for efficiency. Once a pattern is repeated enough times, it automates itself. This is why we don’t have to think about tying our shoes or shifting gears while driving. The behavior just happens.
Over-talking follows the same neurological script
Every habit runs on a loop:
- Cue: A trigger, like silence or pressure to prove yourself
- Routine: The automatic behavior: more words, more explaining
- Reward: The payoff: a momentary feeling of control, connection, or relief
Neuroscientists call this “long-term potentiation,” or LTP. It’s the process by which repeated behaviors strengthen neural pathways, making them easier to repeat in the future.
Each time a prospect nods, affirms, or simply lets you keep talking, your brain gets a hit of dopamine, a small neurological reward. Your brain learns: “This works. Do it again.”
The irony?
What feels good to you in the moment, talking, elaborating, reassuring, often feels overwhelming to the person across the table.
Discovery facts
In the Horsesmouth Discovery Lab, we recorded nearly 100 role-play sessions of discovery conversations. From these recordings, we found:
- Financial advisors dominated the conversation, speaking an average of 69.9% of the time.
- Talk time varied widely. The most talkative advisors spoke 85% of the time, while the most concise still spoke 52%.
- No advisor spoke less than 50% of the conversation.
- In some cases, advisors spoke seven times more than a prospect. For example, accounting for 70% of the conversation while the prospect spoke just 10%.
The role of the brain in habit formation
Two key areas of the brain control habit formation: the basal ganglia and the prefrontal cortex.
The basal ganglia is responsible for storing habitual behaviors. It allows the brain to run repeated actions on autopilot, freeing up mental energy for more complex tasks. This is why experienced advisors don’t have to think about which words to use, they instinctively default to explaining, elaborating, and filling space. Once a habit is ingrained in the basal ganglia, it operates beneath conscious awareness, making it difficult to break without intentional effort.
The prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, controls deliberate thought and self-regulation. When an advisor first tries to pause before speaking, they must actively engage this part of the brain, which takes effort. Over time, with deliberate practice, the pause-and-listen habit can override the talking habit. But it requires rewiring neural pathways.
Talking also triggers the brain’s reward system. A Harvard study found that talking about oneself activates the brain’s pleasure centers in the same way as food, money, and social rewards. This explains why over-talking feels satisfying, even when it’s counterproductive. The momentary high from a prospect nodding in agreement reinforces the habit loop. The brain learns: Talking equals reward. The more this pattern repeats, the stronger the neural pathway becomes, turning conversational dominance into a default setting.
Why over-talking becomes automatic
Once a behavior is repeated enough, the brain begins to reinforce it in ways that make it feel effortless.
The first mechanism at play is myelination. The brain wraps frequently used neural pathways in myelin, a fatty substance that speeds up signal transmission. The more an advisor over-explains, the easier and faster the habit becomes.
The second mechanism is cognitive efficiency. The brain is designed to favor familiar, low-energy behaviors over deliberate, high-energy ones. Talking too much feels natural, while pausing to listen requires effort. This is why advisors who try to talk less often feel uncomfortable at first. The brain resists the change because it is trying to conserve energy.
Finally, social conditioning plays a role. In Western culture, silence in conversation is often seen as awkward or disengaged. Advisors are trained to provide certainty and clarity, making pauses feel like failure. In reality, silence is a powerful trust-building tool. But breaking the habit of avoiding it requires conscious effort.
The challenge of rewiring a habit
The good news is that the brain is adaptable. Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity: the ability to form new neural pathways and weaken old ones. But to break a habit, two things must happen. The old neural pathway must weaken, and a new neural pathway must be built.
This is why simply knowing that over-talking is a problem isn’t enough. Awareness is only the first step. True change requires creating new, intentional communication patterns that reshape how the brain responds to conversational pressure.
When it comes down to it, people don’t choose an advisor because they were the smartest person in the room.
They choose the advisor who made them feel heard.
Awareness isn’t enough, intentionality is essential
You might be wondering: If this habit is so ingrained, do people actually change?
Here’s what we’ve seen, anecdotally and through our research:
The advisors who change are the ones who decide to.
Not casually. Not someday. They make a conscious choice to talk less, listen more, and do the work to rewire their approach.
It doesn’t happen by accident.
They don’t just become better listeners because they read a book or attended a workshop. They become better listeners because they practice new behaviors, seek feedback, and reflect on how they’re showing up in conversations.
Over-talking may be automatic, but change is never passive. It takes:
- Awareness: “I talk more than I think I do.”
- Intention: “I want to shift that.”
- Deliberate repetition: “I’m going to pause, ask, and listen, on purpose.”
This is why so many people don’t change, even after seeing the data.
And it’s also why you can, if you’re intentional.
The identity shift behind breaking the habit
For many advisors, talking isn’t just a habit. It’s part of their professional identity. It’s how they’ve demonstrated value, built credibility, and guided the conversation. So pulling back can feel risky. Even disorienting. But talking less doesn’t mean being less. It means creating space for something more: more trust, more connection, more truth.
The hardest habits to break are the ones that made us successful in the first place. But every time you resist the urge to speak, you create space for something rare: true connection. That’s not just good discovery. It’s your transformation in progress.
Thoughts to carry forward
- Over-talking isn’t just a bad habit. It’s a deeply ingrained, neurologically reinforced behavior that feels automatic because it is.
- Talking less challenges not just behavior, but identity, as many advisors equate speaking with demonstrating value and control.
- Real change comes from intentional repetition. Not just knowing the habit exists but committing to a new way of showing up in conversation.
Editor’s note: If you’re ready to turn today’s market mess into your most productive prospecting season, join us for a live, high-impact webinar designed specifically for growth-minded advisors. Chris Holman leads the two-day virtual workshop: Transform Your Discovery Meeting | May 19–20, 2025