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The bias you can’t see
In The Blind Spot, the first article in this series, we explored how discovery conversations often run on autopilot, shaped more by habit than intention. But even when advisors are intentional, another hidden challenge remains: the gap between what they think they’re communicating and what clients actually hear. Most advisors believe they’re clearer, more engaging, and better listeners than they actually are.
Not because they’re careless. But because they’re human.
There’s a quiet cognitive bias at play, something researchers call the illusion of transparency. It’s the belief that our thoughts, intentions, and explanations are coming across exactly as we intend. That the person across the table or screen understands what we meant, not just what we said.
But what we think we’re communicating and what the listener actually perceives are often two very different things.
What Karen thought, what Marcus felt
Karen, a mid-career advisor, had just returned from a workshop on building trust in discovery meetings. She was excited to put her new skills to use, especially what she’d learned about storytelling.
When she met Marcus, a retired engineer, she opened with a warm anecdote about a client who reminded her of him. She thought she was creating rapport.
But as the meeting went on, Marcus grew quieter. Karen interpreted his silence as deep listening. She shared her process, her credentials, and how much she enjoyed helping people like him.
Marcus thanked her politely and left.
What Karen didn’t realize: Marcus was overwhelmed. He later told his daughter, “She seemed smart, but I felt like I was just listening to a monologue. I wanted to talk about what’s keeping me up at night, but there wasn’t room.”
Karen’s story didn’t create connection. It crowded it out.
This is the illusion of transparency in action.
A conversation gap you didn’t know existed
Clarity isn’t achieved by trying harder. It’s achieved by checking in.
Imagine being on a Zoom call, explaining something important, only to discover later that you were on mute. You thought your message landed, but no one heard a word.
That’s what happens in client conversations all the time. We assume our message was clear. But the client may have missed it entirely.
Psychology and communication research confirm this pattern:
- Speakers assume their message is understood.
- Listeners hesitate to admit confusion.
- Both parties leave thinking they’re aligned, even when they aren’t.
It’s not malicious. It’s just human.
But in financial advising, where trust and clarity are foundational, this gap can have real consequences.
What the Discovery Lab revealed
In the Horsesmouth Discovery Lab, we analyzed nearly 100 recorded discovery conversations. In many cases, advisors believed the meetings went well. But the playback told a different story:
- Advisors thought they were asking deep, thoughtful questions, but most stayed surface-level.
- They believed they were building connection, but missed subtle emotional cues.
- They assumed clients understood them, but clients left unsure, unengaged, or unclear.
No one told them they’d missed the mark.
And so the illusion persisted.
These weren’t bad advisors. They were good advisors operating under a false sense of communication success.
Why good intentions aren’t enough
One reason the illusion of transparency is so common: It feels logical. If something makes sense to us, we assume it must make sense to everyone.
But communication doesn’t work that way.
Advisors often fall into subtle traps:
- Talking too much and assuming they’re being understood.
- Sharing stories that don’t land.
- Asking questions that feel personal, but don’t actually get personal.
We assume the message has landed. But the signal may not have gotten through.
Think about it.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you weren’t fully following the speaker, but you didn’t speak up?
Maybe you were disinterested.
Maybe you didn’t want to interrupt.
Maybe you felt embarrassed to ask.
That’s the illusion of transparency too, just from the other side of the table.
Slow down the assumptions.
The way to counteract this bias isn’t by over-explaining. It’s by checking in.
Gently. Curiously. Without assuming alignment.
You can ask:
- “How does that land with you?”
- “What’s coming up as you hear this?”
- “Does that feel aligned with what you were hoping to hear?”
And you can notice:
- Hesitations
- Vague responses
- Short answers that suggest the prospect is following, but not engaging
These are the signals that tell you the conversation is drifting off course, even if it looks fine on the surface.
Awareness is a skill
You can’t eliminate the illusion of transparency. But you can become aware of it.
You can reflect after meetings:
Did I check in enough?
Was I truly listening?
Did I invite the prospect to speak freely, or did I simply explain things?
You can even review your own conversations, by recording them, role-playing, or just jotting notes afterward.
And you can train yourself to listen not just to the words, but to the space between them.
Clarity isn’t what you say
Great advisors don’t just speak clearly.
They create the conditions where clients feel safe saying, “I don’t know,” or “That doesn’t quite make sense,” or “Here’s what I’m really worried about.”
That kind of honesty doesn’t come from technical skill.
It comes from intentional presence.
It comes from a willingness to pause, ask, and invite.
Thoughts to carry forward
Breaking the illusion begins with this realization: You are not the best judge of how well you’re communicating.
Here are three ways to close the gap:
- Test for clarity. Don’t assume clients understood—ask. Try: “How is that landing for you?” or “Does that make sense in your world?”
- Watch for nonverbal cues. If someone grows quiet, don’t assume it’s agreement. It may be confusion or disengagement.
- Create space. If you’re talking more than 50% of the time, pause. Make room for what the client needs to say, not just what you want to share.
Clarity isn’t achieved by trying harder. It’s achieved by checking in.
You may not be as clear as you think. But the good news is you can get better.