Editor’s note: Chris Holman is a Master Certified Coach, executive coach to financial advisors, and author of the book “Discovery Shift: Why Talking Less and Listening More Wins Business. He will host a Discovery Workshop on February 9–10. Find details and register here.
In a discovery meeting, a junior advisor sits across from a prospect, one who could easily be their parent. Or their parent’s friend. The age gap is obvious. It doesn’t need to be acknowledged to be felt.
Before the first question is asked, something tightens. The advisor senses evaluation. Not just of knowledge, but of legitimacy. Experience. Authority.
The quiet question is simple. Will they take me seriously?
Many junior advisors respond the same way many senior advisors do. Under pressure, they talk. A lot. They explain credentials. They reference experience. They offer context early. They move quickly to demonstrate competence, hoping to close the credibility gap before it widens. It feels reasonable. It also backfires.
Older clients rarely doubt intelligence. What they doubt is whether they are about to be handled, managed, or subtly sold. When expertise shows up too early, it doesn’t reassure. It signals agenda. The mistake junior advisors make is assuming credibility is missing because of age. So they try to sound older. More seasoned. More authoritative.
That instinct points them in exactly the wrong direction.
Why age triggers the wrong strategy
Age gaps activate pressure before content. A younger advisor does not simply feel younger. They feel behind. Behind in experience. Behind in authority. Behind in the room’s invisible hierarchy. That pressure narrows attention. The advisor starts monitoring themselves. How do I sound? Am I convincing? Am I wasting their time?
Credibility is not a badge granted to those who sound experienced.
Self-monitoring produces predictable behavior. More talking. Earlier explaining. Faster framing. Credentials surface not because they matter, but because they feel stabilizing. Older clients experience this differently. What feels like competence signaling to the advisor often lands as impatience or steering.
The advisor believes they are closing a credibility gap. The client feels the space shrinking. This explains why many capable junior advisors struggle. The problem is not knowledge. It is orientation.
The myth of credential-based trust
Most older clients have worked with professionals their entire adult lives. Doctors. Attorneys. Advisors. Consultants. Credentials are assumed. Leading with qualifications rarely answers a real concern. It answers an imagined one. Older clients are not evaluating how much you know. They are watching how you listen.
Do they get space to finish a thought, or do you jump in early?
Do you stay with what they are saying, or redirect it toward something familiar?
Do you let the problem stay undefined, or rush to organize it?
Do they feel listened to, or processed?
Those judgments happen almost immediately. Often before the conversation feels like it has started. And they are decisive. Trust is not withheld because the advisor is young. It is withheld because the conversation tightens too soon.
Reframing credibility: From authority to containment
Credibility is often confused with authority. Authority explains. Authority directs. Authority reduces uncertainty.
Containment does something quieter. It allows uncertainty to exist without being fixed. In discovery, containment is the ability to hold the conversation steady before the real issue shows itself. That means not rushing to define the problem, not organizing too early, and not trying to be helpful before you know what you are actually helping with.
This is not age-dependent. It works with every client, at every career stage. Age differences simply amplify pressure. When a younger advisor rushes, it reads as insecurity. When an older advisor does the same thing, it reads as arrogance. The behavior is identical. The interpretation is not.
Containment shows up in three observable ways:
- First, regulation under ambiguity. The advisor does not hurry to define the problem. Silence is allowed without commentary. Calm beats certainty every time.
- Second, curiosity without agenda. Questions are open. Follow-ups stay with the client’s language. There is no quiet effort to guide the answer somewhere useful. Respect shows up here. Clients notice immediately.
- Third, a willingness to not know yet. Insight is not rushed. Understanding is allowed to accumulate. Speed signals insecurity. Patience signals competence.
None of this is flashy. All of it is rare.
The junior advisor’s hidden advantage
Seasoned advisors often rely on pattern recognition. It can become reflexive. Younger advisors have fewer grooves. Less automatic explanation. Less pressure to sound polished. When junior advisors stop trying to sound experienced, they often become unusually effective.
Discovery rewards presence, not mileage. Any advisor can do this. Younger advisors just encounter the pressure early enough for it to become visible. That is the quiet advantage most junior advisors never realize they already have.
When mastery accelerates credibility
There is another dynamic worth naming. There are moments when a younger advisor demonstrates deep mastery of a complex topic. Something typically associated with experience. Social Security is a common example. When that happens, the age question disappears. In fact, it often reverses.
The client is not just reassured. They are impressed. If this advisor understands something this nuanced at their age, they must be exceptional. Psychologists have a name for this effect. It’s called positive expectancy violation. For older clients, the expectancy violation often begins here. Not when the younger advisor explains something complex, but when they don’t rush, don’t perform, and don’t try to prove themselves in the first place.
That effect is real. And it is powerful. But it only works when expertise arrives in the right order. When discovery has created space. When the real issue is clear. When the client feels understood before being educated. The same mastery introduced too early feels like performance. Introduced at the right time, it feels precise and relevant. Discovery creates permission. Mastery creates momentum. Without permission, mastery backfires. With permission, it compounds.
The trap: Turning this into a technique
This is not about asking clever questions.
It is not about sounding softer.
It is not about adopting therapeutic language.
Any attempt to manufacture credibility will be detected. Older clients have long memories for performance. They know when they are being managed.
The work here is internal. Reducing the need to demonstrate. Letting understanding form before naming it. Allowing the client’s thinking to unfold without interference. Credibility is not something you perform your way into. It is something that settles into the room when performance drops out.
What junior advisors should hold instead
Junior advisors often believe credibility must be earned in advance. Especially with older clients. They assume trust comes after proof.
Discovery flips that logic. When an advisor can hold ambiguity without rushing, credibility emerges quietly. When curiosity is clean and unforced, respect forms. When the advisor does not need to sound certain too soon, authority settles into the room on its own. None of this requires age. It requires steadiness.
Credibility is not a badge granted to those who sound experienced. It is a condition that forms when the room feels steady enough for honesty. Older clients don’t need you to sound older. They need you to be calm, patient, and genuinely curious.