In a prior article, we shared Tom’s story, an advisor who believed he was an excellent listener until he watched a recording of his own meeting. Like many advisors, he was shocked to realize he talked far more than he thought.
Tom’s experience reveals a universal challenge: We struggle to see ourselves clearly.
This goes beyond financial advisors. It’s a universal human tendency. Studies show most people believe they’re above average at communication, driving, and leadership. But not everyone can be above average. In one classic study, 93% of American drivers rated themselves better than average.
In discovery meetings, this self-perception gap can be costly. Advisors may believe they’re asking great questions and building trust, while prospects experience something entirely different.
So why does this happen?
Because of cognitive biases, mental shortcuts that distort how we see ourselves and make it difficult to spot our own blind spots.
The psychology of overconfidence: Why we think we’re better than we are
Our brains make quick judgments about our abilities, often without real evidence. Sometimes, we assume we’re good, even when we’re not.
If you believe your discovery process is already excellent, you’re unlikely to change it. But what if you’re unintentionally:
Your process might be far less effective than you assume. And if prospects feel unheard or disengaged, they won’t convert into long-term clients.
To close the gap between perception and reality, advisors need objective feedback, not just gut instinct.
Objective reality: How to accurately gauge your effectiveness
Many advisors rely on how they feel a meeting went. This leads to some common traps:
- Anecdotal feedback loop: You assume you’re a great listener because one or two prospects complimented you.
- Outcome bias: A prospect became a client, so the meeting must’ve worked, even if they had doubts.
- Selective memory: You remember the wins and forget the misfires.
To really know how you’re doing, you need actual data:
- Meeting recordings and talk-time analysis: Recording your meetings is one of the fastest ways to spot blind spots. Many advisors are surprised by how much they talk—often 70% or more. If you’re speaking more than your prospect, you’re not discovering, you’re performing. Watching the playback and tracking your talk-time is an eye-opener.
- Peer or coach feedback: Role-playing with a trusted colleague reveals what you can’t see on your own.
- Prospect surveys: Simple post-meeting questions like “Did you feel heard?” or “What stood out to you?” can surface invaluable insights.
When you gather feedback from multiple sources, you begin to see your discovery process as your prospects do.
Recalibrating your approach: Practical strategies to improve self-awareness
Recognizing blind spots is the first step. The challenge is making improvements stick.
Develop a self-audit routine. After each meeting, reflect on these:
Role-play for a reality check. Though often resisted, role-playing is one of the most effective improvement tools. Have a peer observe:
- Your tone and pacing
- How often you pause after a question
- Whether you ask clarifying questions, or move on too quickly
Implement a pause habit. One of the simplest ways to talk less: pause for three seconds after your prospect finishes speaking.
It prevents jumping in too quickly, signals that you’re processing, and often encourages them to keep talking.
Advisors who master this habit consistently lead more engaging, productive conversations.
Benchmarking your growth: How to know if you’re improving
You’ll know your self-awareness is growing when:
- Prospects share more personal, meaningful details
- You catch yourself before over-explaining
- You receive unsolicited praise on your listening
- Your conversion rate improves, and your conversations deepen
To track progress:
- Record a discovery meeting.
- Watch it.
- Analyze:
- Did you dominate?
- Were your questions open-ended?
- Did you pause long enough before responding?
Write down three things you’d do differently next time. This simple act can dramatically shift your awareness, and your results.
The best advisors are always learning
The most successful advisors aren’t necessarily the most experienced. They’re the most reflective.
Enhancing self-awareness isn’t about self-criticism. It’s about growth. Every meeting is a chance to listen better, engage deeper, and build more trust.
Advisors who embrace discomfort, feedback, and self-examination always stay ahead.
So, are you willing to see yourself clearly?
Thoughts to carry forward
- Advisors often overestimate their listening skills due to cognitive biases.
- Objective feedback, via recordings, peer reviews, and surveys, is essential to identify blind spots.
- Self-awareness grows through intentional reflection, role-playing, and habits like the pause.